taking care of the "other kids"

I got to thinking, yes parents know they need to set aside time for all of their children and havinga child with a disability can sometimes make that difficult, but how do they do it and what exactly do they do?  I read an article and it says, :Adult siblings now are speaking out about what they needed and, in many cases, what they missed as kids. It’s not a question of love. Most report feeling loved by their parents and love for their sib. What it comes down to is a longing for information, protection, room to be a normal kid, and parental time and attention." 

http://psychcentral.com/lib/2006/taking-care-of-the-%E2%80%9Cother-kids%E2%80%9D-a-friendly-reminder-for-parents-of-disabled-and-non-disabled-kids/

This article was informational and it talks about how you nee to set aside fr the family as a whole, with each paretn and thn both parents, and with just child--parent or both child-parent.  With the day to day demands on life I cant even imagine how hard it is.  I know that I struggle somestimes with work and shcool and job junting and house work that I have to make myself make time for just my daughter and just my fiance as well as time for all of us as a family.  It makes you think and put things into perspectve.  Chldren remember everything and you want them to have the foundtion for a healthy relationship with spouses and with their children so that they are successful later on in their adult life.  AGAIN where is the parent guidebook?!?!?!

sibling's pressure to perform

I was thinking about a child who a diabled sibling and what do they go through emotionally, not just from their sibling, but how are they feeling? 

The sibling of a mentally challenged child may feel extra pressure on him, either to take care of his sibling or do the activities that his sibling cannot. Even if the parents are not putting the pressure on the child, he may feel like they are. The child may also feel lost or ignored, thinking that all of the attention is being directed at the mentally challenged sibling. Parents should be aware of signs that the child needs help or more one-on-one time, such as headaches and stomachaches, or if the child strives for perfection and has poor concentration or self-esteem.

K12 Special Needs Give Your Children The Education They Deserve--At Home--With K12! www.K12.com/Ohio

Read more: http://www.livestrong.com/article/82908-emotional-effects-having-mentally-challenged/#ixzz1w0uW1lIw


****GREAT ARTICLE-breaks feelings down into ages 3-17
http://www.permanente.net/homepage/kaiser/pdf/44897.pdf

What kids say
"I never get to do my things. I always have to be with my sister."

Sometimes I'm embarrassed when people stare at my brother in his wheelchair. But they don't know what fun he is."

"No-one knows my name. I’m always known as Sam’s sister. I feel like I’m invisible at times."

"My sister always wrecked my things – she didn’t mean to, but it upset me. Mum put a lock on my door so that she can’t get into my room."

"People look at me when I am signing to my sister and they think I am deaf too, so they shout. They get embarrassed when I tell them that I can hear them perfectly well, but I always say it in a nice way so that they don’t feel bad, unless they’re really mean people."

	"I sometimes get mad because my brother gets all the attention. I’d like some help sometimes too."
	"I feel really sad sometimes because I know my sister will never get better. Then I think that I’m lucky to have her even if it’s not for ever."

"My brother has hearing problems but he’s the best runner in the school and he’s on the footy team

This is completely off of my topic but when talking about siblings of the disabled and how it effects them, I thought about the divorce rate of those parents with special needs, and that would also effect the siblings. I always thought that the divorce rate was higher, but i read two articles and i found that it wasnt.  People sterotype and say that parents who have disabled children are at a higher risk, but infact they are not. 

“One of the first things couples can do is to make a decision to protect their marriage; they must understand that they are entitled to a decent marriage, no matter how many needs their children have,” said Dr. Marshak. “One of the steps involved with this is deciding that their relationship as a couple extends beyond parenting and that they need to devote at least a little bit of time to it.”
Dr. Marshak advises couples to devote just 20 minutes per day to each other, noting that 20 minutes is less than two percent of an entire day. “I think it’s helpful for couples to understand that protecting their marriage is actually good for their children. Often parents of kids with disabilities feel that they will be taking vital time away from their children. Some also feel guilt that they have caused the disorder; that’s another obstacle."

I thought that this insert was completely true.  When he mentions that some people fee guilty that they have caused the disorder, I would like to think that I wouldn't, but I can't say that I wouldn't either.  It would take a toll on marriage.  But with any marriage you must take time to yourselves and be a couple, not just parents.  Chilren need/should grow up in a family with happy parents. 

http://voices.yahoo.com/the-drawbacks-having-siblings-learning-disabilities-670798.html This website article talkes about the drawbacks of having a disabled sibling from a point of view.  It was interesting reading this article.  Everything I have seen has been mainly positive but this talks about the one sidedness to the disable sibling.  I thought it was intersting, althought I am skeptikal about the information because I have heard so many positive things instead of negative.

http://www.npr.org/2010/11/23/131548353/making-peace-with-changing-sibling-roles- Here is a good article that I read about an adult woman and her developmentally handicapped sister. She talks about growing up and growing apart and struggles that she faces with herself towards her sister.  I thought it was interesting. 

I just have to share this. Today I took my daughter and niece to TotterOtterVille.  While my niece's mother was in line for pizza my daughter and niece were walking tot he book area.  An older girl looked at my nieve and said "aww poor little guy" and Kendall yelled "SHES NOT A POOR LITTLE GUYS SHE"S BIG!"  it was the cutest thing and not five mintues later another little girl came up to us and said "what's wrong with you, why do you have those braces?"  I was waiting for my niece to say something but as soft spoken as she is, she didn.t so my daugther of course spoke up and said, "She has spina bifida but can still play soccer and cheerlead!  They just help her stay still (balanced)."  --i was so proud of my daugther for standing up for my niece and I would like to think that if they were siblings it would be exactly the same.  Along with this topic I wonder, My sister in law once said, when she first found out she was pregnant again, "I dont know how I would deal if I had a mentally handicapped child, I see how people treat Liv and you can see her disability, how would people treat someone when they are disabled but you cannot physically tell?"  It really got me thinking.  And children are often more aware of their surroundings, how often would a sibling stand up for the other?  Have I myself ever made a remark about a disabled child even though I could tell (like aspbergers or autisim). 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lUZ2DVSt5Qk&feature=related -this is a good video explain a sib resource group

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1kbfaCuit4- nice video where a sister explain her brothers autisim and what is hard for her and what she also enjoys. she says the hardest thing is to hear what the other kids say about her brother.